Are you paying attention?

I have been reading about how us humans are getting ourselves dumber with our smartphones. Apparently the average adult can only read for a few minutes. Instead of reading books like the good old days we read useless interweb things such as your doing right now. Thus our attention span is getting shorter.

This got me thinking. Banana Phone Cuddle Butt Donkey Swing and The Affects On Climate Change would be a great blog topic because no one is fucking paying attention. Apparently we are reading the headline and then half ass scanning the rest of the words.

We are all guilty of seeing a post on social media and thinking “oh that’s important for everyone to read” clicking share without actually reading it. I know I am.

I tell ya what really annoys me about the internet. Narcissistic people like myself that think everyone wants to read their every thought and opinion. One that really stubs my toe is recipes. For example I grab my interweb and search salad recipes. Tuscan Summer Salad. Great. I open it up and discover some gorgeous chick has written 20 paragraphs about her trip to Tuscany. “The people are amazing and it really made me realize that I am amazing and bla bla bla”. By the time I get to the recipe my thumb has a six pack from all the scrolling. And then this.

Tuscan Summer Salad

  • 1 ripe (duh) tomato sliced (duh)
  • 1 organic red leaf lettuce
  • 1/4 cup feta
  • Olive oil

Really! After all that I get a recipe that my fridge could have written.

Nobody cares about your trip to Tuscany. If I wanted to know I would have searched ” Tuscan Travel Blog”. Or “Beautiful Peoples Beautiful Stories”.

Whatever. My point is if your still brain smart and you actually read this whole post then I thank you. Thanks for paying attention. Please put away your screen go read a book or do math number thingys so all of society doesn’t collapse into a big pile of stupid.

P.S here’s my favorite recipe of forever

Avocado Toast

  • Make toast
  • Butter it
  • Put fucking avocado on it!

Your welcome

Squirrel!

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